Sons of Bill Simmons

Rumors involving Boston Sports, Celebrity Gossip, and Humor

Running With The Zippa

Posted by Mike on November 10, 2008


It was Thursday when I decided I would take the Zippa challenge for the weekend. Hoping to ride the Zippa’s picks into a profitable weekend. Figuring after Tuesday I went 2 for 3 on the ballot questions but I had this feeling that I could be jumping on board too late like a Ron Barr TV ad campaign running late Monday night. So Friday I went up to Wonderland in Revere and stole/was given a greyhound named Prince, bought myself two Under Armour Hoodies and sported my Timbos to officially become Zippafied.  They always say dress for the job you want not the one you have!  (Trust me, you want Zippa’s job).   

Saturdays picks were up –  Zip liked Penn St (–7)  at a lackluster Iowa team.  PSU in the red zone, “where field goals happen” not to mention T.O.P. Penn St had the ball for 35 mins. to Iowa’s 24 and were able to hand this game to Iowa in the final seconds with a field goal kick to lose National Championship consideration and bring my first FU Zippa comment to the table.  

        After taking part in my question 2 rights with Charlie, I had calmed down and this thought went through my head:”Could Tommy Heinsohn get away with calling the place where the Celtics play the Titty Banknorth?  He is old and senile enough”  

Anyways onto game 2…Texas Tech v OK St (over 71) after 30 minutes of wanting to take the under I stuck to my guns and took the over.  Bobby Bacala was in the other room with Miss Moana testing his inner Lunesta and forcing me to blast the surround sound.  So 42 pts at half and backup qb touchdown late in the 4th put the the score over and jubilation followed by Prince the greyhound licking PB+J off my balls impersonating my inner Zippa putting me at 1-1 with sticky balls.

Sundays picks- New Orleans (PK) against Atlanta.  Note I didn’t like this pick but let me tell you I put it in for this piece.  I watched the Matty Ryan show w/special guest Roddy White and Co.  Needless to say Zippa sabotaged the weekend and put me in a hole at 4 o’clock.  


Zippa loved Pittsburgh (-3) v Indy saying Willie Parker was gonna run wild* this is where things were fishy cause Willie wasn’t playing, so why not update the pick Zippa huh!?!?  Sabotage…and with that Big Ben put on a show giving Indy 3 INT’s and putting them in great field position every time.  Tip balls and highlights of 100 A.D. When Indy actually went into Pittsburgh and beat them… It was a great feeling…at that point I let the expletives fly, kicked out Prince the dog, burned my Under Armour hoodies and swore off gambling forever.  

Moral of the story: Gambling is not healthy, I went to Vegas twice and I was losing money before I got on the plane both times, literally blackjack in the waiting area and it makes me violent.  So Zippa screw you guru, you half-assed your picks this weekend and I know it…they were in way before game time giving me the feeling that you don’t give a fuck!! Damn you eat shit!  (Apologies…see the rage there).  I feel like Billy from White Men Can’t Jump…but at least I’m smart enough not to bet on my jumping ability.

Ragin Rondo


One Response to “Running With The Zippa”

  1. McChanski said

    Who drops bigger stools: King or Zippa?

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