Sons of Bill Simmons

Rumors involving Boston Sports, Celebrity Gossip, and Humor

Waiteen for Eighteen!

Posted by Mike on October 28, 2008

Things you can expect to see this upcoming 08–09’ Celts season.  

10. Eddie House’s son will replace James Posey at mid court now exchanging hugs and hand pounds while only inspiring Scalabrine.  

9. Lucky the mascot — for the money this guy makes better be shitting basketballs then dunking them upside down..(Supposedly he thinks he’s the man, listen pal, you dress like a leprechaun and bounce on trampolines, wait till your kids grow up and realize that)  

8. Scalabrine riding the bicycle next to the bench, can’t blame a guy for trying to stay loose.  

7.  Tommy Heinsohn — since he’s only doing home games expect DOUBLE the Tommy points and TRIPLE the rants…add in a heart attack and at least three voice losses.

6. Paul Pierce lost 10 lb. before the seasons start…expect a faster, healthier Truth and maybe he’ll earn some foul calls that lacked in the past.  

5. Willie May a.k.a. Coach — Man does this guy not deserve a job.  His worthless trivia is pathetic and is only justified by the Celtic Dancers by his side.  Willie you look like Rev Run (minus the top hat) in that jump suit, who dresses or pays you??  But expect to see him your section tonight!

4. Rookie Bill Walker will get in a brawl with Tayshaun Prince while snapping his arm off at the elbow and I finally bring a sign into the Garden saying nothing but “Walka Walka Walka!” with a picture of Fozzie bear in a Celts Uniform…oh it should and will work! Oh the EXCITEMENT

3. A new breed of Celtic Dancers to keep you in your seat during intermission, I say give them more time…no offense to little phunk

2. Sammy Cassell will again drive me fucking crazy.  Oh you better expect 100 ill advised 3 pointers and jumpers during a crucial part of a close game…followed by Zippa smashing his life-size ET doll that he bangs in the basement…(he will only keep the dolls head, reasons unknown)

  1. KG pounding his chest and oozing intensity every night.  Just looking at him makes me tired, he would be the first one to kill and eat someone if his plane crashed like in the Movie “Alive”.  Followed by him belting out “AHHHHHHHHHHHH.”  The blood drinking is questionable due to Gatorade sponsorships.  

 “Celtic Fans it’s the 4th Quarter get up”

Hoist banner 17 boys…and tonight we are all world champions!!!  Repeat?!?!


Ragin Rondo

One Response to “Waiteen for Eighteen!”

  1. DDP said

    I actually heard that Zippa kept that magical bony index finger of ET along with its head.


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