Sons of Bill Simmons

Rumors involving Boston Sports, Celebrity Gossip, and Humor

Top 10 Rondom List During Game 4 Of The Rays Road To Seaworld

Posted by Mike on October 15, 2008

So I started watching this game with a roommate and his
girlfriend…both with laptops typing away and blabbering about
Halloween costumes and politics-(fucking shoot me) that I could only
hope for a Sox win to get me out of this shmoopy chit chat…then the
first inning happened and wake was buried.  So I spaced out and took
some mental notes of random happenings during the game and some
channel surfing.  Here’s what went down.

10. Gleaking Garza — what’s the deal with this guy…does he suck so
much ball bag that he regurgitates the juices throughout the game and
spats it out??  Honestly he spits more than a camel…what happens
when he sleeps…does he drool puddles? Someone needs to staple his
mouth shut so he drowns in his sleep.  Let’s work on this.

9. Craig Sager — popping out of the outfield wall right before the top
of the inning started.  Come on pal, I wasn’t as upset about this as I
was about his velvet suit he was sporting.  I get this is his niche,
old suits…he gets some attention and recognition to maintain his
job…in the end being the ass of TBS but I get it and I’m onto you

8.  Fantasy Football Smack Talk —  took a break to read up on my
fantasy teams and the banter only to find two fantastic convos in the
post section.  It was like when Fantasy smack goes bad…let me tell
ya it went from I had sex with your mom to I’m gonna kill you, maybe
not in those words…actually in those words…to phone numbers and
fight plans exchanged.  I’d say one of the most exciting exchanges in
Fantasy history.  (Mike I actually think he’s waiting for you outside
in a van, seriously check)

7. BJob Upton — We get it you’re a thug who shows off his arm cause
you ain’t playing…too bad you can’t throw someone out when it
counts.  He should be on a 4 x 100 relay team according to TBS.

6. Rocky IV— first Rocky IV was on MGM HD tv followed by Rocky
III…so Apollos dead…then resurrected?  What if I never saw the
series, I’d be much too confused.

5. David OrtizFrancona said he had a great BP session before the
game…he didn’t pop out…only grounded out, could be progress.

4. Outfield Arms — are the Sox incapable of throwing someone out at
the plate, every time it’s like a slow dribbler without a chance…we
need some spinach and HGH served before the next game to maybe reach
the infield.

3. Tandem Costumes for Halloween — Let’s just say the people in the
room with me were arguing about this all night like I wasn’t even
there…nobody does tandem costumes unless you’re unoriginal and
boring…wait a second.

2. Rocky IV — yes an overused comparison to the series
hopefully…Rocky takes the beating and hopefully comes back with a
flurry, HOPEFULLY…but this isn’t my point, question is whose
watching his son Adrian and his two friends at home??? I see a giant
robot tree in the background and kids way too close to the tv.  Next
thing you know the kitchens burned down and lil Adrian is pulling an
Urkel “did I do that?”.  I’m just looking out.

1.  9th inning yelling — So yes I watched the ninth just to get pissed
off but something happened worth noting…Iwamura was up and some
obnoxious drunk Bostonian kept yelling “Bonzi” before every
pitch…and that my friends made it all worthwhile.

Ragin’ Rondo


One Response to “Top 10 Rondom List During Game 4 Of The Rays Road To Seaworld”

  1. Cron Vandy said

    That first idea was mine, Rajon, where’s my credit? JK Love ya Anderson.

    What about how Chip Caray and Ron Darling, when they were talking about what the Rays could do on their day off in Boston. Made me sick. “They can go shopping, there is a lot of historic sites, beautiful town, etc. . .” Shut the fuck up. He called Haverhill “Havrille” the night before.

    I wonder if Craig Sager and Don Cherry had a kid what kind of fucked up suits the kid would wear.

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