Sons of Bill Simmons

Rumors involving Boston Sports, Celebrity Gossip, and Humor

The B.O.S. Awards

Posted by Mike on October 13, 2008

The B.O.S. (Bag of Sh*t) Awards go out to the players/people who have
underachieved, sh*t the bed, look like sh*t or just did something so
dumb that they must be called a B.O.S.

5. Our first B.O.S. Goes to the Tampa Bay Rays fans — you bags of old
sh*t, when you’re holding a sign that says “Hit it to Heaven Evan” you
deserve to be sh*t on.  Shouldn’t there be security checking these
signs? Maybe tell grandma I can pillow suffocate you now and you can
wait for that ball in the pearly gates…she’ll think twice before
leaving her assisted living home.

4. Second B.O.S.  Goes to Adrian Peterson — you BAG of sh*t!  Way to
fumble two times in the red zone and develop a clutch fumblitis when I
decide to take the Vikings –13.5.  Granted I talked myself into it
after a drunken charlie evening after sleeping on a couch but
still…you call yourself diesel, you’re more like urine in the gas
tank.

3. Third B.O.S.  Goes to Mike Timlin — Man you giant bag of sh*t .
Watching Timlin pitch is like going out to lunch during work to an all
you can eat Chinese buffet…you have about 5 plates of random crap( x
3 for Zippa) and top it off with two éclairs and a large soft serve
ice cream
dish.   Now you’re in a two hour meeting, stomach starts
rumbling, you think you can hold it but you know that soft serve was
too much…and well eventually the pains too much and you run out to
blow it.  Sadly this happens every time he comes in.

2. Fourth B.O.S.  Goes to Matt Cassel — Oh you’ve ruined my Sundays
you bag of sh*t.  You’ve ruined my Sundays, you’re soft and if I see
you do another Backstreet boys dance on Pats wrap-up I swear I will
hunt you down…but the best way to summarize him is this verbal
exchange that happened after the game:
Cassel: Sorry driver, your seatbelt seems to be broken. What do you
recommend I do?
Driver: I recommend you stop being such a faggot. You’re in the backseat.

1. The Flaming B.O.S. Goes to Def Leppard— You British bags of dumb
sh*ts.  Not only did you place the Stanley Cup upside down in Detroit
but all of you except your drummer got to hoist up the cup.  At least
take a look at a Stanley Cup before you perform… And I’m all about
equal opportunity, so let everyone hoist that sucker…talk about
leaving someone shorthanded.

Ragin’ Rondo

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6 Responses to “The B.O.S. Awards”

  1. Cron Vandy said

    No B.O.S. award for Zippa? He got hosed! Love ya Anderson.

  2. Anonymous said

    Peterson has to be the biggest B.O.S. fantasy player this year.

    As far as Lord Stanley? Next time why don’t they let Twisted Sister drink from it? At least Dee Snider can respect the cup…

    Love the list…

  3. Peterson has to be the biggest B.O.S. fantasy player this year.

    As far as Lord Stanley? Next time why don’t they let Twisted Sister drink from it? At least Dee Snider can respect the cup…

    Love the list…

  4. McChanski said

    Nice work Ragin Rondo, great addition to the site Mike!

  5. DDP said

    Big fan of the BOS list and let me add one in there for you as well. Freaking piece of sh*t bandwagon Dodger fans. They seem to be pissed that there is a baseball game going on during their social gathering.

  6. Topper said

    This site will bring anyone on to write.

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